It's good to be home

It's so good to be home. Despite my apprehension and worries, the trip, on a whole, went well. Workwise, it was good to reconnect with my counterparts from the other regions. We were productive. We even had time for some short sight-seeing and shopping.

Both DH and Mum told me that Osh Osh was very well behaved in my absence. I spoke to DH and Osh Osh over Yahoo Messenger on some nights. It made my homesickness more bearable. DH took a lot of effort to record short videos of Osh Osh to cheer me up.

Mum said that Osh Osh was very excited on Saturday night, counting the hours till my flight landed. Mum had to strongly persuade him to sleep as my flight was only scheduled to arrive on Sunday morning.

DH drove to the airport to pick me up along with Osh Osh, my Mum and my inlaws. It was very special for me to be so warmly welcomed home. I bought Osh Osh a magician's start-up kit and he loved it. All throughout yesterday, he was trying out the tricks. He has mastered 2 out of the 21 tricks. I'm sure it won't be too long before he catches on and learns the rest.

DH and I had a lot of time together, thanks to my Mum helping us out with chores and keeping Osh Osh occupied. It was wonderful to reconnect with DH. I really missed him. I was jokingly telling him that I should go away more often so that we can have such special moments being reunited.

Overall, I feel calmer and more at peace. Yes, I have a million and one things that needs to be done but I'm not in a panic frenzy. Maybe, my perspective on life has changed somewhat. I am assured that despite the outward circumstances in my life, the inevitable problems and unforeseen incidents, God is in control and He will not let us bear more than what we can handle. I guess being alone those nights away has helped me appreciate what I have been blessed with in my life. Not to sweat over the small stuff and most things, no matter how demanding or urgent or upsetting they are, in general are actually small stuff.

The "big" stuff in my life is my family. They are well, happy and love me very much. I hope that I never lose this perspective again!

Something's got to give

I just came out of Osh Osh's room. Sat there for a while, watching him sleep. I had to hold back my tears.

It's been a stressful 2 days for me. Work has been particularly demanding and my superiors have been doubting my judgment calls which makes it a very difficult environment to work in.

Osh Osh's school is closed for 2 days due to their annual spring cleaning so he's at home with me while I try to do my work. I asked my inlaws to come over and help but it didn't turn out well. They try to help and have good intentions but Osh Osh has been very clingy to me these past 2 days.

For example, this morning as I was typing on my notebook, the phone rang and someone from work wanted to discuss something with me. Then Osh Osh came over to the dining table where I was seated and kept asking me to play with him. My inlaws were trying their best to tend to him but he raised his voice and kept asking for me. It was so frustrating and my colleague could hear all the commotion that was going on. So, finally, I had to hang up and scolded Osh Osh for behaving so badly. Argh, I am so frustrated and drained.

I just feel so overwhelmed and stretched! It's as though I'm going to collapse under this heavy load of juggling work and family. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Expectations of me at work have increased because everyone is expected to deliver more given the current economic crisis and also company reorganization. As a result of my work stress, I'm short tempered with Osh Osh, DH and my inlaws. Everyone just seems so miserable now.

Something's got to give...is it my job or my family? If I give up my job, does it mean I'm giving up "my life", the life I have other than being DH's wife and Osh Osh's Mummy? If I "give up" my family, I would hate myself for it. How do I decide?