It's really hard to change one's frame of mind especially when one's current frame of mind is so familiar and comfortable. It's so comfortable that I can snuggle into it effortlessly and am happy to dwell there for as long as time will permit, even if it is detrimental to me. I've always been a worrier by nature. I worry about anything and everything. As a logical consequence, a worrier also tends to convince oneself that the worst case scenario of things are imminent and will occur without a doubt. We have this amazing capability to convince ourselves that no matter how far fetched our dramatized versions of reality are, they are realities to be reckoned with!
So, there you have it. That is how I live my life for as long as I can remember. There are days when I am better and I can see how ridiculous my worries are. I can see how much of my energy is spent on trying to think my way out of "what ifs" that will never happen. The very same energy can be better relocated to better use like thinking about my blessings and thanking God for them.
Last week, I was ill again with tummy upset. I can't pinpoint the cause of it but it was quite likely something I ate or drank at work because DH and Osh Osh were fine. It started on Wednesday evening and continued all the way to Friday evening. I prayed fervently to rebuke my illness but I didn't get any relief. That is until Friday evening when I prayed the same prayer of rebuke followed by thanksgiving to God, which was something I didn't do with the other prayers. I thanked God for healing even before I was healed. That was a small step of faith for me. I chose to be optimistic and trust in God's goodness for me rather than dwell on self pity and bemoan doom and gloom which I am so easily capable of doing.
Guess what? It worked. I felt better and fully recovered the next morning. I could follow DH and Osh Osh to the public swimming pool for a fun family time without any problems. Yes, it could be possible that my illness ran its full course from Wednesday to Friday night and ended naturally. However, I like to believe that God answered my prayers when I chose to let go and trust that He only has goodness planned for me, that He is not out to get me or to make my life difficult because I am a sinner. I acted positively by thanking Him and trusting that I will be able to receive His healing and blessings. For the other earlier prayers, I prayed for relief but each time, I felt the pain in my stomach or when I had to run to the toilet, I lost faith and felt that my prayers were not heard. I started to worry about how long this will last and complained inwardly that this is happening to me again especially when I had a similar episode just last month.
However, when I chose to be grateful, it involved a change in my frame of mind. I forced myself to focus on the positive, to be grateful and to rely more on facts i.e. the Word of God and the promises within rather than feelings i.e. the pain and discomfort I felt and the low moods I was going through. I pray that I can keep this up but changing my frame of mind is difficult. It's like me having to walk bare foot on hot sand and know that I have to keep walking that way without any relief of footwear! That's definitely not my comfort zone. I do hope that there will be plenty of moments, as I walk, where I can see an oasis within reach and that it is not a mirage! Wish me journey mercies on this trip!
