Sadness

I only have time to write when I am sick? That's not good, is it? Which part, you ask? Being sick so often or not being able to find time to write? Both! I have so many thoughts in my head all the time on things to write about but am unable to pen them down. Last night, I told DH that I wanted to write an article about toe nails! I know it's a flippant idea but who knows what it might lead to? To give DH credit, he didn't laugh and actually took me seriously!

The doctor at the clinic told me that my immunity is low due to stress which is why I'm so prone to coughs and colds. Sigh. I've heard this advice before. I know I should slow down or maybe even stop work for a while. However, I can't bring myself to do so. I feel that if I stop work, I will putting such a big burden on DH financially and it just doesn't seem fair that I don't do my part for the family.

A good friend recently wrote this to me, "I sense sadness in your blogging, think it's not just one particular thing, but life being ... awfully complicated." I've been thinking a lot about what she wrote. Does life for me have to be so awfully complicated? Or is it just my own doing?

DH is very supportive of my idea of stopping work and just taking time out for myself, to focus on my writing course and spend more time with Osh Osh. I feel that I am selfish if I take him up on his offer as he can't quit his job. It's very tiring for him to work and study at the same time as his working hours are long. It is very difficult for him when he is often torn between wanting to spend time with us and studying as his exams are so near. He keeps a lot to himself as he doesn't want me to see how stressed and pressured he is. It just doesn't feel right for me to indulge in my own pursuits and be happy whereas he barely has time to sleep.

So, yes, I am making life complicated for myself. Work takes out a lot of me and the challenges I face there are often overwhelming. I'm not happy with my current working life and that's where most of my time is spent. Should I take up DH's offer? Is this the right thing for me to do? Would God consent to this? Or am I just being a whiny spoilt child, shrugging the responsibilities of life?

I don't have any answers today.

Something's not quite right

I'm sick again! I seem to be falling ill every month! What gives?? There's definitely something not quite right with me.

I had my gynae appointment yesterday morning (the usual annual routine check up) and she said all was fine with me. I told her that I've been having problems trying to conceive a second child and she said not to worry. I wanted to have some tests done to see if I'm infertile. She said that can wait as she thinks I'm normal and don't have any problems. She did say that stress is definitely a factor and yes, DH and I have been so stressed, him with his studies, exams and work and me with work, Osh Osh and surprise, surprise, trying to conceive! It's a catch 22 situation. I shouldn't be stressed about the thing I'm so stressed about!!

My gynae is a really nice lady. She was very positive. When it was time for me to go, I said I'll see her next year to which she replied with a smile, "No, I'll see you when you're pregnant".
After my check-up,I went back to work. That was when I started feeling feverish. Guess there must be something in the air in the office! :P Seriously, the fever was high so I couldn't sit there and do any more work. I went back home to nap.

DH brought Osh Osh back from school together with his parents. I was still sleeping when all of them came home. DH and Osh Osh came into the room to see how I was. Osh Osh was happily carrying a paper star which he did for his art and craft session. As my fever was high and I was slightly delusional, I couldn't quite make out who that little boy was. He didn't look like Osh Osh, rather he looked like an older boy and oddly unfamiliar. Anyway, he happily chattered away (I can't remember what he said) and left the room. DH had to leave too as he had another study session to attend in the evening. My inlaws helped look after Osh Osh the rest of the evening until Osh Osh turned in for the night.

Today, Osh Osh is at my inlaws' home. We decided not to send him to school as there are some cases of Hand Foot & Mouth disease there, one of whom was a boy in Osh Osh's class. As it's highly contagious, we thought it was best to keep him away from school for the next few days. I think I may have it as apart from the fever, I have many ulcers in my mouth! That's one of the symptoms!

So far, Osh Osh is fine. He had a mild fever over the weekend but it subsided 2 days ago. DH is keeping his distance from me as this is a crucial revision time for him with his exams being less than 2 weeks away and he doesn't want to fall ill.

Right now, I'm home. As I'm writing this post, it is quiet outside. I've just done the laundry and hung them out to dry. Not sure what to eat for lunch as my mouth and throat hurt. Maybe I'll just drink some milk.

Back to my hunch that something's not quite right. DH said that every time I go through a very stressful period, I'll fall ill a few days after that. That's what happened to me last month and it's happening again this month. He said I should learn to cope with stress better and have better control of my emotions. I have to agree with him on that. I tend to be very emotional and always seem to mull about things, over and over again until it eats me up!

Maybe I should have a lobotomy! Hmm...that's too severe, isn't it? Take up yoga?? Any suggestions? Don't let me mull alone!!!!!