It's been draining for me these past two days. I'm feeling under the weather but have to drag myself in to work. DH and I inevitably got into a big fight with each other on Monday night and it hit me really hard. I was hoping that we wouldn't go back to our old ways of fighting so often, it being the new year and all. Every time we fight, the old hurts, anger, resentment and frustrations resurface, making the present fight worse than it really is. It's like a quicksand. I just feel that the harder we try to break free of this rut of fighting with each other, the easier it is for us to sink back into our vicious angry fights.
Last night, we had another serious discussion on finances and future plans. Looking back, it wasn't the best time to do so as I wasn't feeling well, both physically and emotionally and DH was tired from work and drained as well. However, our discussion last night was calmer and it didn't escalate into a fight. We ended it with both of us sharing our vision of what we picture our ideal lives to be, taking away the impossibilities, the negatives and the "I can't"s.
To my surprise, DH's vision has changed from when we last shared about this and that was a good few years ago. His vision of his career plans have changed. I've also learnt what hobbies he wanted to take up if he had the time and I would have never guessed some of the things he mentioned.
My vision has also changed as well. Gone are the high flying career oriented goals. In its place, a more family oriented vision of children (I pray I can have more) and a better quality of life. Comparing both our visions, it is hopeful that both of us share commonality and purpose. All is not lost.