Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Self made misery?

It is admirable when one has the determination to go through all forms of obstacles and remain focussed to meet one's desired goal. That is all well and good when your ultimate goal is for something meaningful and beneficial either to yourself or those around you. What if you are so determined to make everyone's lives miserable because you feel justified in doing so? You strongly feel that the world owes you something in return for all the unfortunate turn of events in your life. This justification gives you the right to demand others to give in to you, pity you and concede to your every request.

My DH had an encounter with such a person last Tuesday in his line of work. Nothing that DH, his co-workers and superiors did, could please this person. She was upset with almost every single thing they did for her. DH bent over backwards to be patient with her. He listened to her constant griping and her unhappiness about how badly she had been treated not only here but at other places as well. She complained about all the negative experiences her relatives and friends faced in their lives, seemingly taking on the burden of their grievances as well. Overall, she seemed to be a very unhappy person who appeared incapable of coping with her personal problems. Instead, she mulled over them hence reinforcing her own belief that everyone was out to give her a hard time in life.

Unfortunately, despite DH's patience with her, she lodged an official complaint against the organization and also DH's superior on Friday. Thankfully, she didn't mention anything negative about DH. Nevertheless, the matter is far from over! She came to look for DH yesterday and he had to cater to her every needs again. The organization did not want any further complaints from her for fear of adverse reputational implications and they were happy to let DH handle this difficult person. DH remained extremely patient with her throughout the day. However, given all the time DH spent appeasing her, his daily work was left unattended to and he had to skip lunch and work late just to catch up.

When DH eventually came home last night and shared all the day's events with me, I felt very angry and frustrated because I didn't want this person to continue harassing my husband and yet, there was nothing I can do to help him. I also saw DH in a new light. I told him that I was very impressed with his patience and his ability to control his temper for the good of the organization. DH remained calm and focussed in each and every encounter with this person. He didn't allow his own fatigue, frustration and anger to jeopardize this fragile situation.

I told DH that I don't want to end up being like her. It is a lot easier to be angry at everyone else when your life does not turn out as you expected than to take responsibility of your own feelings of disappointment and anger and deal with them in a constructive manner. That way, you don't have to look at yourself and say, "I can get out of this rut. I can make choices to make my life better. It's all up to me." You don't have to do anything. Blame others and seek others to pity you. You get the attention that you want and feel vindicated in your own misery.

We prayed for her before we slept last night. DH was exhausted so I vocalized our mutual prayers for God to heal her mentally and emotionally. I asked God to speak to her so that she will stop making things so unbearable for everyone. I prayed for her heart to be open to receive His peace.

No one deserves to be this unhappy, especially when most of it resulted from her very own thoughts. Is this the type of life you want to live?


Janet said...

Sadly, this lady sounds a lot like my mother!

You are rightly very proud of dh - he did very well - and so did you, praying for him and for his very draining customer.

Sarah said...

Sometimes I think I'm a bit like that, and I don't want to be. I want to be more aware of what's happening in my friends' lives, instead of mired up in my own challenges. Thank you for writing this, and bravo to you for praying for your husband and his customer.