Too much?

Am I revealing too much? What do you think? Are my posts too honest?

I received a letter from a dear old friend in England yesterday. She wrote from the heart and I know that her intentions are good as she is very concerned about me. She shared that my posts are too personal and the things I have been writing about are best reserved for a heart to heart personal conversation with a close personal friend and should not be published on the internet. She also shared concerns that my DH must feel pressured and perhaps, adversely affected by my criticisms of him, particularly in the area of our inability to conceive a second child.

She also sensed that I am lonely and that I take on both my own burdens as well as DH's. As a result, she sensed that I am sinking and there is no one to pull me out. She said I seem to have friends but at the same time, if I had friends, why would I be posting all these personal things in a public blog?

I was affected by her letter. It's not a surprise that I have been thinking a lot about this since yesterday evening. I shared the letter with DH and asked him for his honest opinion. DH reads my blog all the time so he is fully aware of the things I write about. He said he is fine for me to keep writing as I do. He said he understands that this is my outlet of expression and he knows it's therapeutic for me. I told him that if he is uncomfortable with the way I write, I am willing to stop writing.

I have this worry that if I perpetually share my problems with one or two close personal friends, I will use up all their "kindness mileage" for me. I dread the day when they eventually say, "Enough is enough! Get a hold of yourself and get on with your life! We are not going to listen to you anymore!"

If I blog about my problems, my friends can choose to read them or they can choose to ignore me. They are under no pressure to be there for me. There is no obligation on their part to be continually supportive of me if they feel that I am sucking all the positive energy out of their lives. If I am prepared for such apathy from my friends, then why do I bother blogging? Isn't my need to document all my emotions sufficiently met by writing it in a journal?

Some part of me still yearns to be heard. I still yearn for some form of affirmation or comfort from the people around me and yet, I don't want to impose myself on them. I concluded that a blog which is open to my friends is there for them to visit if they choose to do so and to disregard if they are fed up of me. If they feel compelled to comment, I am thrilled and I draw encouragement and insight from these comments. If they choose to remain silent, I am not hurt as I do not know who they are.

If I had confided in a friend and she rejected me, it would be a devastating blow to me.

I guess deep down inside, I am a coward. It takes courage to have a face to face conversation with someone about the things I have been writing about, so I use this electronic veil to transmit my cries for help.

My request: If you feel that I am too honest and agree that my friend's letter makes sense (I know it does), please advise if I should be more guarded in my posts and practise generous editing, for the sake of my marriage and family.