Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Mid Year Review

I have just finished writing my performance contract for my mid year appraisal. It's like a self promotion marketing piece to provide my manager with sufficient information to appraise my work performance for the first half of this year. I'm really not good at this. I'm not good at blowing my own trumpet and "selling" my achievements. I worked hard this year but for the corporate management, it's not enough just to write that. You need to tell them that you have done something beyond your work scope, something extraordinary and remarkable. I didn't do anything like that so it was a challenge to write this piece. I remained truthful throughout and used modest language. I prayed for the best before I clicked the "Send" button.

While I was writing my performance contract, it made me think about how those closest to me would appraise me for the first half of this year. How would I fare if I asked God, DH, Osh Osh, my parents, my inlaws and my friends for a performance rating? Here's what I think the answers would be:

GOD: Good effort in coming back to me but my child, remember that I am in control and let go. Why do you keep holding on and struggling? Can't you see that I am taking care of everything for you? Just trust and rest in my care.

DH: I think you are too hard on yourself. You're doing a good job at being a wife and mother. However, you often forget to count your blessings and demand too much from everyone around you, especially me. In view of our busy schedules, it's perfectly fine to be relaxed and flexible. You don't have to be a perfectionist. I wish you would not get so tensed about everything and trust me to handle those difficult matters for us.

Osh Osh: Mummy, I like you. I like you even if you are naughty and angry. Mummy, why do you have to work all the time? Can you come and play with me? Mummy, read for me! Mummy, I like to stick to you!

My parents: We miss you a lot. It's not easy for us having you live far away. We appreciate it that you call us often to keep us updated on events in your life. Do remember to take care of yourself, DH and Osh Osh. Mum: I know you are married and now a mother yourself, but to me, you're always my little girl. Don't be so stressed about things in your life. We are here for you.

My inlaws: Thank you for being more open to us now and for letting us into your life more. We know that at times you interpret our actions for care and concern as being intrusive. We can see that you are making an effort to improve our relationship. This means a lot to us.

My friends: You are a sincere and genuine friend to us. We know that you love us a lot and try to be there for us even though some of us are are miles apart. However, at times, you tend to be very negative and melancholic. You often sound like a broken record. No matter how many times we try to assure you that things will get better, you don't seem to listen. That is why we, at times, stay away from you, because you tire us with your negative energy. Please stop wallowing in self pity. Your life isn't as awful as what you make it out to be. Live in the present moment and stop comparing!

I don't know if I have hit the right chord with everyone but I don't think I'm too far off. What about my own personal assessment? I agree with all the things I've written above. I know I am too hard on myself at times and I tend to be judgmental and critical. I expect a lot from DH and Osh Osh. As a result, I can be quite harsh and controlling. The one thing that rings loud and clear for me from this exercise is that I have to let go. Let go and let God be in control. Let go and let DH be the head of the family as he rightfully deserves to be. Let go and let Osh Osh act his age and just enjoy him as he is. Let go and let my parents and inlaws have the freedom to be the type of grandparents they want to be for Osh Osh. Let go of any negative feelings of envy, anger, frustrations and self pity. Hopefully, with all the letting go, I wouldn't view life as being so heavy-laden and I can finally live with a smile.

1 comment:

Serotinous Me said...

Well Done. You are a good friend, and you have remained incredibly honest with yourself and your friends. Married life is an incredible challenge but you really aren't doing as badly you might fear. Keep going strong!