Thursday, March 19, 2009


I only have time to write when I am sick? That's not good, is it? Which part, you ask? Being sick so often or not being able to find time to write? Both! I have so many thoughts in my head all the time on things to write about but am unable to pen them down. Last night, I told DH that I wanted to write an article about toe nails! I know it's a flippant idea but who knows what it might lead to? To give DH credit, he didn't laugh and actually took me seriously!
The doctor at the clinic told me that my immunity is low due to stress which is why I'm so prone to coughs and colds. Sigh. I've heard this advice before. I know I should slow down or maybe even stop work for a while. However, I can't bring myself to do so. I feel that if I stop work, I will putting such a big burden on DH financially and it just doesn't seem fair that I don't do my part for the family.

A good friend recently wrote this to me, "I sense sadness in your blogging, think it's not just one particular thing, but life being ... awfully complicated." I've been thinking a lot about what she wrote. Does life for me have to be so awfully complicated? Or is it just my own doing?

DH is very supportive of my idea of stopping work and just taking time out for myself, to focus on my writing course and spend more time with Osh Osh. I feel that I am selfish if I take him up on his offer as he can't quit his job. It's very tiring for him to work and study at the same time as his working hours are long. It is very difficult for him when he is often torn between wanting to spend time with us and studying as his exams are so near. He keeps a lot to himself as he doesn't want me to see how stressed and pressured he is. It just doesn't feel right for me to indulge in my own pursuits and be happy whereas he barely has time to sleep.

So, yes, I am making life complicated for myself. Work takes out a lot of me and the challenges I face there are often overwhelming. I'm not happy with my current working life and that's where most of my time is spent. Should I take up DH's offer? Is this the right thing for me to do? Would God consent to this? Or am I just being a whiny spoilt child, shrugging the responsibilities of life?

I don't have any answers today.

1 comment:

mummyof3 said...

Guilt - ah! The perennial bugbear. I've a blog post floating in my head entitled Guilt. Here's my 2cents. If your guilt abt not pulling your weight is doing nothing for you or your dh, ditch it and do what's good for you and your family. Does it really help your dh for you to continue working? Is it all in the head? Do your sums, be hard-headed (and hard hearted) and do what really needs to be done, not what you think needs to be done. Small difference but potentially big outcome.