DH sat for the Singapore exams yesterday. This is the one that is equivalent to the exams he took last week in London. The results were released this afternoon. He passed!
I was thrilled! I thought that with the results, DH would be happy. However, four years of continual studying, hard work and night shifts have taken its toil on DH. He wants to quit this job and change speciality. I was not prepared for this.
It was very difficult for me as I thought that this result would be the start of a new beginning for us, giving us a life where we can finally breathe normally again.
DH has his reasons for wanting to change specialities. I wrestled internally. As much as I wanted to be supportive, I am scared. We had made bad decisions,albeit with good intentions, in the past leading to a lot of pain, disappointment, anger and bitterness.
The new job is open to him on 5th May. Questions flew in my head. Is this too soon? Is he burning his bridges? What if he hates it? Will he become bitter and angry again? What about all the effort that he has put in the past four years? DH strongly believes that this new job will lead to a greater fulfillment on his part and a better life for us as a family.
I want so much to trust him but the emotional baggage from our past haunts me.
We talked, we prayed, we read the Bible. We listened to each other although it was a struggle for me to listen without all my emotions clouding my judgment. We talked until past midnight.
Finally, I cried and I surrendered as I asked God to give me the courage to be a supportive wife. I can't do it on my own will and strength.
Amidst the tears, I told him that I will support him in whatever he decides. He promised me that he will continue praying and any decision he makes, it will be with the family's interest in mind.
It's now almost 2am as I write this. I am more settled but I can't sleep. Hopefully writing all this down will help calm my spirit. I just have to let go and trust that God will guide my husband to do what is right for the family.