I just came out of Osh Osh's room. Sat there for a while, watching him sleep. I had to hold back my tears.
It's been a stressful 2 days for me. Work has been particularly demanding and my superiors have been doubting my judgment calls which makes it a very difficult environment to work in.
Osh Osh's school is closed for 2 days due to their annual spring cleaning so he's at home with me while I try to do my work. I asked my inlaws to come over and help but it didn't turn out well. They try to help and have good intentions but Osh Osh has been very clingy to me these past 2 days.
For example, this morning as I was typing on my notebook, the phone rang and someone from work wanted to discuss something with me. Then Osh Osh came over to the dining table where I was seated and kept asking me to play with him. My inlaws were trying their best to tend to him but he raised his voice and kept asking for me. It was so frustrating and my colleague could hear all the commotion that was going on. So, finally, I had to hang up and scolded Osh Osh for behaving so badly. Argh, I am so frustrated and drained.
I just feel so overwhelmed and stretched! It's as though I'm going to collapse under this heavy load of juggling work and family. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Expectations of me at work have increased because everyone is expected to deliver more given the current economic crisis and also company reorganization. As a result of my work stress, I'm short tempered with Osh Osh, DH and my inlaws. Everyone just seems so miserable now.
Something's got to give...is it my job or my family? If I give up my job, does it mean I'm giving up "my life", the life I have other than being DH's wife and Osh Osh's Mummy? If I "give up" my family, I would hate myself for it. How do I decide?