An extremely difficult week

As everyone knows by now (because it is such an "in your face" thing with it being splashed over the newspapers, tv, conversations with your family and friends), we are in very uncertain times now with the state of the US and world economy.

The Lehman Brothers incident affected me directly. When I went in to work on Monday, it was chaos. The company I work for is not an investment bank but we have direct business dealings with Lehman and other big investment banks. The atmosphere at work is one of fear and panic as we do not want to suffer any losses or rather we're scrambling about to see how much we can salvage. When things are this tense and strained, everyone is prone to finger pointing and blame. Some of it fell on me earlier in the week although I tried my best to defend myself. DH told me not to take it personally as my bosses are also all under a lot of stress.

It is just such a difficult environment to work in now. No one knew when we dealt with Lehman in 2007 that they would be subjected to Chapter 11 Bankruptcy this year!

The finger pointing and blame has stopped for now. I'm just waiting to see which one will be next? My next question is when will this end? And what damages will everyone suffer, from the company perspective and individuals as well?

How adversely has this affected me?

Well, I had to go to see a doctor yesterday. I've still not fully recovered from my flu and it's over 2 weeks now. So she put me on another round of antibiotics and asked me to go home and rest, to which I replied, I can't due to work.

Friends at work has been panicking as well as some of them have suffered personal losses due to direct investments in Lehman owned funds. One friend's husband has been so traumatised by this that he wanted to withdraw all his money from the bank and keep it at home! She stopped him, of course! However, they both lost a significant sum of money. I believe a lot of other people worldwide share their fate and misery as well.

As I have regular updates on the news in my work email inbox and also internal discussions on how we think things may pan out, it's understandable how paranoid I am at this stage. DH is much calmer and has decided to sit put and just ride this out i.e. keep our money and investments where they are. I am so fearful that we will lose everything! That's how paranoid I am.

Emotionally, I am a wreck, and I take it out on DH and Osh Osh. I lost my temper at Osh Osh earlier in the week because he kicked a fuss and refused to brush his teeth as we changed his toothpaste and he didn't like it. DH said I went overboard with my reaction.

DH will be going overseas on Sunday night for more than a week for his exam preparatory course. If circumstances were normal, I would spend more time with him now. However, due to my bosses's demands, I find myself working at night because there is just so much to do and so little time.

As a result, I really feel stretched and drained. So, overall my question to God is when will this end? Will I still like myself as in the person I've become, when it ends?